![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Also I'm quite tired, so that doesn't do much to aid in challenging situations....
Not that there's even much to it - I just think that I gave in to my friend's overcompensatingly defensive statements re: the Gap.
I'm just tired and I think it all started to feel like a bad dream that, was hard to snap out of...
It seemed harder and harder to let go of the inevitable let-goable-of situation!! Ironically.
What do you mean this could be visible to a 3rd party? What's that supposed to mean? Everyone knows?? WTF!!!
And. to that, I say, SFW!!!!
So I wanted to get out of the stupid mall, and get some fresh air, and not sit there waiting for buddy to rummage thru the sale rack, only to find practically everything there unsatisfactory anyway... It felt like hell just being there, and then residually, I believe that it carried on, because the force-field was not as strong, due to being exhausted... :-P
So apparently it's all about getting enough rest, saving money and avoiding the f*cking mall in the 1st place, and staying on track.
Well for starters I get to write in fuschia font on livejournal
.i don't have to drive or/therefore spend money
time to get a head start on next semester's jury requirements
lots of time to practice bass, guitar, piano
quality time with cats
get stuff done around house
snow's beautiful winter wonderland out my window
forced to relax and take "me time"
get doing 'crafty things' like make a collage on the cpu's paint program
maximum reno 911 viewing
opportunity to work out by shoveling
quality time on cpu
makes me want to keep house even cleaner
lots of time to plan for the future
reading
but here's waht sucks about it:
I can't visti my friends or family except online
probably be unable to visit family over Christmas if weather forecast is accurate
one of my friends has my camera, and that's in town, and it's too dangerous to drive, but the winter wonderland's beauty would be amazing to capture on camera!
the waiting game: waiting for the weather to clear up, waiting to hear from people, waiting for money deposit...
But at least I have:
Food, shelter, warmth, loveable cats
Art, music, computer, television, video games, books
Good health
Water
Beautfiul snowy surroundings
A nice neighbor who offered to pick me up groceries
Friends and family who will happily visit me online if I asked
lots to look forward to!
Plenty of chores to do...
The common sense to stay home and stay safe!!!
Owner of a Lonely Heart - Yes
Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future
Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser
See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and that's the only way
Shake - shake yourself
You're every move you make
So the story goes
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Say - you don't want to chance it
You've been hurt so before
Watch it now
The eagle in the sky
How he dancin' one and only
You - lose yourself
No not for pity's sake
There's no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself
Give your free will a chance
You've got to want to succeed
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
After my own decision
They confused me so (Owner of a lonely heart)
My love said never question your will at all
In the end you've got to go
Look before you leap (Owner of a lonely heart)
And don't you hesitate at all - no no
Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
(repeat)
Owner of a lonely heart
Sooner or later each conclusion
Will decide the lonely heart (Owner of a lonely heart)
It will excite it will delight
It will give a better start (Owner of a lonely heart)
Don't deceive your free will at all
Don't deceive your free will at all (Owner of a lonely heart)
Don't deceive your free will at all
Just receive it
this was all because i had msg before bed. a small bag of lays' ketchup chips. they were really tasty, but omg. msg is so not fun. what i did was, hoped that i'd not have a "nightmare" but a bizarrely fascinating dream... and that if i did have a semi-scary dream then at least it would be season-appropriate. tsk. ya right.
a nightmare's a nightmare. thinking your'e actualy in a scary situation, is just as scary as actaully being there.......
anyways.
right now i got joan jett & blackhearts cd i just bought yesterday..
I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH JONATHAN AND DUSTIN YESTERDAY!!!
me and j hit fascinating rythms and each spent aroudn 50$ each in new cd-s well it was like a nice treat becasue neither of us had gone and bought anything new for EVER so now I have new music, and it's all awesome!! and it's mine!! no mp3 shit, I got liner notes to read, physical cd.s etc. :-))))
I was searchingfor jazz b4 but couldn't find a station so i should really go and upt on maurie's cd he made of jazz piano players.
how else can i breaek up the evening. i feel like hanging out with people like rics maybe. it's hard to say. no its really busy tonight, and i'd rather hang with darryl or somethign. although, he is reportedly busy. I could, in theory, go to chemainus and see the Ira band play, but since I'd be going up there on sunday anyways i kind of want to save my mileage, road-energy and fuel for sunday. the big day!
so what to do... what to do... hm....
see a movie?
visit with hilary? i wonder if she's around. but then that would be an extended visit. i might just have to tough it out... hm...
maybe i'll go to milestones? shoot, it's a tough call. oh wait - Mel? Hm... Not if she's got Stephen, ... Eric's too busy. Sooke jam is way too far away...
I got no musical instruments. Well, I gotta shaker!! I wonder if ERin Merle Wallace is handy for a nice visit?
Hm... I wonder indeed.
Oh!! Erin Gray!! That's another person I'd love to hang out with actually. ...God. it's kind of sad, how people can be soooo closeby, yet, we get stuck in our individual routines, and adapt to the tunnel vision of our 9-5; liek the james bay horses with blinders on.
i like listening to alan cross, when it's new info to me. but at the same time, it seems to over-glorify pop music, or some such. /aaaaahhhh Blur....
I'm totally going to a house in the country...
THe thing with me and my music is, it's something I want to be as good as I can possibly be at. THat includes the professionalism of keeeping in contact with those I'm working with, and being somewhat organized.
These guys, however, have made that virtually impossible in the last week. Apparently that's "just how they roll," but unfortunately it's not acceptable. It's not cool to leave your bandmates hanging, especially after making a big deal about how excited they are about "jamming asap".
Anyways, I finally got ahold of one of them, Ian, who'd apparently been in Cranbrook for the week.
And Justin finally phoned me this morning. THat was kind of good actually, even though he sounded annoyed.
THe thing is, networking relationships and project-plannnig is like tending a garden; you have to provide them with an environment in which they can grow, and be nourished with the necessary elements that maintain their existence.
Water, earth, sun, oxygen....
Like plants, if relationships are neglected, they slowly die over time.
So, now that I know we're still "on" for the gig, that's great, but you know what, I'm just taking it on the chin this time.
Anyways, since it's only a temporary thing, I might as well just treat it as such. In a way it's too bad, but some ppl don't seem to realize the value in putting your heart into things, so why put myself in that vulnerable of a position, when it's not even safe to do so? Unstable environment, rough terrain. Have to be more like rugged foliage, or a tree.
Hm... funny. Maybe that's what birds and trees, and the like, think about my camera. it is, after all, flat black, mysterious, etc.
My baby cats are so terrific.
i'm getting all caught up with battlestar, so I'm going to have to wait a long time for the 4th and final season on dvd... No!!! well, that's okay, though, because the idea of a Cylon War is not something so enchanting, that I would want to tune into as a neverending saga, watching the characters and the story lines get older, and more and more battle-weary, for decades... that would be really akward... LOL. It would be like, the time Admiral Adama went at it with Tyrol in the ring, knowing he'd lose, and everyone had to sit and watch as the Old Man got pummeled; it was pathetic, it was nauseating, it was ruthless and akward, and painful for everyone... It was needless punishment. It was like, beating a dead animal. And beating animals is senseless and cruel in the 1st place, so why would an entire TV series want to drag on and on and oooooonnnn like that, for years? Knowing it had "lost," years ago? LOL....
I have to laugh. it's a good thing, though, because I'll probably turn around one day and watcht them all over again, because those 4 seasons captured the essential Battlestar Galactica concept, to its full potentiol. WEll, I'm speaking for the 4th season, which no-ones' yet seen but I have faith. It's too good a show to doubt. Which is why it's best they quit when they say they will. There's my point re-stated, again. I've completed the circel and I'm finished for the nigt......
- Music:ABBA vs. Concrete Blonde
I am listening to SAveage garden Chicka cherry cola.......... I have a crush on Matt at work, he's so cute. It's just a crush though, he's very adorable.
I don't know. I had a heaadache by the end of my shift, basically I fasted today, didn't eat much at all; had a redbull and a matcha, no coffee, and lots of h20,. split shift, and Mother's Day.
so happy i can sleep in tomorrow
I want to hang out with DArshan sometime.
and Steff. and Matisha. and Yoshi. and Kristina. and a lot of ppl, apparently.
Here i am at 5:15 on a Wednesday morning, wide awake and looking for someone to talk to, so since nobody's really up at the moment, I figure this to be the closest thing to a conversation.
i went and bought a bunch of dollar store crap, and crap it was. 3 out of the f 6 things i bought were defective, or broke immediately. surprised? kind of. you'd think that the odds would be a little less, but no. LOL This is really funny actually, because the other day i ran into rowen in the dollar store, mind u that location was a lot less ghetto than the one i shopped at today. It's so hilarious. i wantedto buy a kitchen timer, from the "upper scale" location, so i set all the ones they had out on display, and NONE of them rang!!! NO joke! so, today, out in the ghetto area of esquimalt, i found one for $1.50 that was actually in a sealed packaged, the "illusion" of not having been tampered with... bigger joke. Same deal - i got home and set it, and it just kind of faded off with the ticking, and that was that. Made more noise when the cat knocked it off the table and it hit the ground.
LOL.
Wow.
Right now I'm listening to the oh-so-groovy rock band, C'Mon. They fucking rock. I had the privelage of seeing them live at Logan's a few weeks ago. Omygod.
the torture and turmoil of my relationship status. too sweet for my own good, perhaps. ... crushing on stoners who are (jokingly) engaged, who basically are too stoned to realize you're trying to win their affection, or whatnot. Love hurts.
Friendships can even hurt. What is it with people - don't they understand that when you are friends with/like/respect somebody, they are open to that good energy, and unfortunately also vulnerable to the crappier stuff. That is why I make really careful desicions about how I spend my time, and with whom. There's no reason anyone, myself, should put up with bullshit and disrespect. That constitutes a bit of a problem. It's especially endangering when the person flips back and forth between being super nice to being a total dick. OR, when they used to be really nice and now they are just a dick. Obviously, they served their purpose in the past, and NOW they choose to be a dick, so that's obviously not cool.
ABBA: Money, Money, Money.
Another terrible dollar-store item I purchased today (and promptly threw out ) was this stupid mouse pad with a "gel" wrist-support - BULLSHIT! Ha!!!! That is hilarious!!! Firstly, u open it up and it's not gel, it's just a hollow rubber bubble. LOL
Secondly, it smells worse than the newest tire made of the cheapest rubber you've ever mistakenly smelled. In your entire life. And then you realize you've been totally had. I had all the items out of the bag and spread over my bed, not for 10 mins, and the evil rubber smell penetrated all 3 layers of blankets, forcing me to flip the entire bedding so I could breathe without feeling violated. It was actually on my desktop under the mouse for not even 5 mins, and after chucking it out, I realized that the evil rubber smell had even penetrated the "solid" plastic of the mouse itself! ...INcense, vinegar, holy water!!!
The other thing was a pack of 20 bag clips, for keeping stuff fresh. No wonder it comes in a pack of 20; you know u only need 2 or 3 anyways, but the first 3 I tested totally broke off in my fingers. "Snap(off) clips," yah, that's not a lie.
I won't even mention the other things I bought, it's just too embarrasing. LOL. It's like the Universe was like, "DUDE!! Get good stuff from now on! Spend the extra $$!!! It'll be worth it!!! LOOK at this crap!!"
So I was like, "Okay, I'll consider it."
Fugazi now. "Bulldog Front"
I realize that I am extremely less fond of night shifts. It's depressing. You get less hours, you have to end your shift doing dishes, with disgruntled dish area workers, while the rest of the night staff skimp out and take off early... At least that way you get more hours in, but it's also depressing walking home in the black of night, long after everything in the city's been closed down, walking through a virtual ghost-town, get to the apartment, and everyone you want to hang out with or phone up will be asleep, or have school/work the next morning, so human contact is not possible. It can always be worse, I suppose, but that thought in itself is sucks,,
DJ Jazzy Jeff + Fresh Prince. "Brand New Funk"
Back when I was a little kid, wanting so much to be like my older cousin Chad, who skateboarded, and listened to really loud rap, and played basketball in the alley, and had cool haircuts, cool clothes and friends over all the time...
His room was his dungeon/hangout. Plastered wall-to-wall with skateboard magazine cut-outs... Then 6 months later with all car stuff; hot rods, etc... Then finally changed over to an extreme-ski theme. That still hasn't changed, and it's been almost 20 years! He lives up in Whistler, and gets sponsored to free ski. Plus he's all about the mountain biking too. and has started his own clothing company. He's awesome. He's Rad Chad. He defies death, for fun, every single day!
Well, now I'm the cool cousin the younger ones look up to. It's so cute/weird/rewarding in a way..
Third Eye Blind: "Semi-charmed Life" ...Chad got me into some of the more interesting stuff I like today. Rap, and he was into stuff like Reverend Horton Heat way back then too. Sarah McLachlan, I discovered from rifling through his cd's. RHCP, and Jamiroquai.
anyways, now I get to introduce my little cous to Archers of Loaf, and stuff... Yay!
Then they try to get me into the really super hardcore stuff, which I can't seem to get into for the life of me. Respect, yes. Seek out on my own, not quite. ..LOL....
The sun is coming up, already. I was hoping to grab a coffee with someone, and judging by where I'm at now, I might just want the coffee by then!! Gonna support my friend's cd release party, in the evening, and (yay) haven't seen her in a while now, so That will be cool!
stuff to look forward to is important. otherwise, some stuff doesn't seem to have much point, sometimes...
Depeche Mode "I feel loved"
Now that I'm too exhausted for much emotions, I am somewhat glad. Because, it's like literally draining the "sink" of my being - And then I can rinse it out, and be ready to use the "sink" again, because it's all sanitized and shiny again. ...
Or "teacup." It's like having a teacup, and then rinsing it out so you can pour a new kind of tea into it. Say you had, Orange Pekoe, and now you want mint; well, rinsing it out allows you to fully experience the mint after you've poured it in. That's really good. Special. Nice.
Happy
Alice in Chains: "Over now"
I was at Hilary and Dave's new place today- boy is it every fabulous!!!
practicing scales up to this point has been relatively boring??? i've found that i must READ sheet music in order to keep focus/cirriculum going; otherwise I'll just practice C-major based stuff, EXCEPT - - when I do use excersicse books, they all seem to go in such a predictable sequence (ie, Fig. 1 = no #'s or b's... Fig. 2 = 1 b, or 1 #.... Fig 3. = 2 b's or #'s... etc. ) making it way too easy for my mind to wander, and lose focus, thus not allowing myself to absorb new info...
-This *** has been my main challenge all throughout my highschool years, as far back as I can remember. After the elementry school stuff was done with, (at the primary - intermediate grades, everything was "fun," and "creative!" I remember the good old days when things were hands-on, discussional, crafty, colourful, etc. ... Then after that, things became DEATHLY drudging... Textbooks, nothing more...
Anyways, Writing them out sounds pretty fun/ educational.. Writing scales, and then applying them... randomly. Maybe making a grab-bag "hat" of all the scales I could write/play, and spending 10 mins at a time with that method.
Now I'm listening to a playback of ERic, Kim and myself playing last week sometime - she walked in the room, and we began playing "Moondance," we did a few cool/ interesting things together... Like "Sweet Dreams," with Kim on vox was pretty cool, I thought.. Had fun anyway!
We went thru "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac - and with just one mic, I let Kim take the lead while I harmonized, able to hear myself fully in tune, from wearing earplugs... It was a nice way to practice, live, able to hear myself, yet in a private way... HEE hee!!
Anyways... Good times.
It's really nice having the minidisc recorder, to playback stuff,... I need to work on my solos (blues) in the Key of A minor...
*ouch* some of the stuff I'm hearing's making me cringe... LOL not that it matters, as we always like to improve.
Anyways, focusing on the good stuff is the most important thing. That's how we stay strong, and survive, and stay happy.
I had a very good jam with Eric tonight --- we came up with a cool new song "Dolphin's Revenge!" it features a Joan Jett/ Red Aunts style noise with a surf feel, complete with Dolphin Calls!!! (a combo of Delay, O/D, and volume knob w/ left-hand slide)
I can't believe my real first name's Robyn. How confusing! Although it usually doesn't bug me at all much and then I'm too used to it to legally change it. Sheesh!
LOl
I'm listening to Tori Amos' "...Choirgirl Hotel" it's fuckin' amazing!! :-P
Isn't it fantabulous* how music can encapsulate the fondest memory feelings of all time, no matter what you've gone through! Fuck yeah.
I'm very glad that I've had family time in the past few weeks - even though it's been majorly rushed and chaotically planned, it's always a good thing to go back home and recalibrate that way.
There's a lot of Springtime energy right now, it's totally fun :-P and the moon is in a waxing phase, magnifying the vitality!
Thank Goddess
*fantabulous - Vocab word inspired from Jack D
So tonight we show up at the jam, Eric and I; Kim's on her way (Eric's girlfriend and powerful vocalist). You can't hear anything from the street, in front of this house, which is planted in the midst of a quietly preserved 60's era suburbia; towering oldgrowth evergreens shake and twist their branches, singing their song to the tune of the blustery night, under the flourescent streetlamps. We sit in the truck for awhile, and talk as I eat my quick-dinner of a T-Ho's turkey sandwich and large double-double; my fuel for the rest of the evening.
When we get inside, we are warmly greeted by a rather large lady holding a beverage in one hand; she and Eric embrace, as I peer in through the ajar door just to my left, where the jam is happening. I see about 8 different players, all cozily situated in a "circle," in a small room, which is lined cozily with bookshelves, amps, various guitars, a fireplace and a computer off in the corner. Everyone sounds great together - which can be a feat with so many bodies all playing one thing; in this case, an old Cream song. The drum kit has one of those plexiglass fences, to dampen the volume, and right across from him is a keyboard player, playing tasty little runs on his little Casio.
There's a rock-solid bass player, and at least 2 guitar players. It was something to be excited about! I couldn't wait to play!
So when I did, we played Oh! Darling, Mustang Sally, Sweet Dreams, Bread and Butter(sounds like Sesame Street), Heard It Thru the Grapevine, some other 12-bar blues, and then... I ended up jumping onto the keys after Doug insisted, and then we played some Route 66, and Moondance. Then I asked if I could play guitar, and we played What's Up, which was a perfect warm-up with it's loud and proud open chord strumming, and laid-back fills... Then suddenly someone said, "Let's play a sexist song!" After about 10 seconds of sheer pin-dropping akward silence, I began the barchord riff for Hey Joe. No one else in the room knew the words, so Kim stood there and held the mic up for me the entire time and I rocked out the old Hendrix tune, leading the charge with a killer solo, and a girl on stanby, just to hold the mic. If I WERE a guy, it would definitely have been sexist! However, we all took part and it was, more than consentual; it was total transcendence! Then Kim took the reigns as we did our version of Black Velvet; a sweet tune that I'd like to play more of.
It was crazy good fun! Everyone there was between 35 and 55ish, except for me, but they all accepted and cherished my presence, as I honored the privelage of participation... There was one fellow, however, who seemed mildly agitated that I indeed was a girl with talent, and self-confidence to back it up. You know what though - like Sum 41 says, "It Makes No Difference (To Me!)" ~ I still had a f*ck of a good time and I learned a lot tonight~~~!!
"....so when u hold onto the past then u will break down what little is left ya theres nothing more u can't ignore, said it makes no difference to me!"
I love my friend Eric, though, and his girlfriend's pretty cool too!
I'm happy and satisfied!!!
- Mood:
content - Music:Mix (media player) mostly Gish by Smashing Pumpkins
IT's too hot in here - I can't believe it!
TOo hot.
It seems like almost every time I go to write, it has to be conflict-oriented, it may not be true but it looks it right now!
LOL
Barrie and Jaquie: The former lives directly below, the latter just beside.
Bothe are about 45-55; Barrie being eldest.
Jacquie is a painter by craft, and is something of an urban solitary shaman, although probably doesn't think of herself as such. Barrie is like the overly-concerned motherish/great uncle figure that always wants to try to get me more in touch with my inner feelings; is a "functional alcoholic," and his sons are really cool although I've never hung out with those boys... I jst know what I've heard
Both my housemates are so sweet, like extended family. I can talk to them anytime and I love them dearly. Between them, and my cats, I feel virtually invulnerable.
Yes I know them both quite well, and the thought of leaving them is presently unfathomable? Woah, I don't even know anymore. What am I going to do? I don't know. The city is so limited, yet the exact opposite. I don't know. It's too late to be thinking of that seriously anyways! One precious moment at a time my friend.
I watched Jackie Brown for the 1st time, que divertido!
It's Saturday May 12th, already!
Wow, my band and I were supposed to record a "quick and dirty" demo session today, however, it seems to be cancelled again; what is with that I wonder? Sorta sucks, so it's kinda good there wasn't a lot of hope invested in the idea - I mean, optimistic yes, just not counting on anything per se, since I've had a feeling from the start about this thing, and not knowing the guy, etc... Sometimes, and often, these "feelings" have been correct. I am open to the possibilities, though. I definitely want to get a demo recorded, and I'll do it myself with my mdr... We all have our arrangements down pretty good now and everything :-)
Had alternate plans to go to keep my boss company while she paints her new house, another thing that "sucks" is trying to make tentative plans with people; it's sort of another cheap gamble, like those scratch tix you can spend dollar after dollar, and scratch about 6 of them before you even make 1/3 of what you invested... Of course there are those that seem to have Lady Luck on their side, and I haven't in the past...
The energy spent on this tentative feeling becomes draining during the limbo stage of the game... .I'm working tonight too! That has made it difficult to decide as well. It's not that I totally don't want to go, or whatever, it's just that Springtime thing, where, after the 1st wave of excitement hits, one needs a bit of downtime in order to rejuvenate :-)
But if I stayed here at home, I don't know what I'd do... I like having a plan of some sort, especially for my days off. Otherwise my "plan" simply becomes relaxing, and I relax to the max, and then go back 2 work on Monday and work like a dog just to feel good about myself! Woah!!? ME, do THAT?? Eww, crazy! Never! No es bueno! No es healthy! LOL
It's fine. I don't know. I'll finish this coffee and go.
Time constraints suck, though.
Shift work sucks.
Having to start work in 5.5 hours from now is bullshit.
But that's what I chose, so I have to suck it up and make a buck.
WHAT?? Am I talking like this???
I mean, "Wow! *smiles* What a grand opportunity! I get to chill out all morning, then go hang out and paint, then I get to go take advantage of my veteranism and make $$$~! LOL, when the paycheck comes in a week from now :-) It will be so nice.
Goddess knows I need the $!
Hee hee... ;-D
'Twas the least I could do to use green.
Sinead O' Connor being spoken of on radio. I didn't fully realize Prince was the songwriter behind "Nothing Compares 2 U."
They're talking St. Patrick's Day on the radio. It's lovely.
I love how people are still wearing green, a full 6 days after the official day. Right on, lassies and lads!!!
It's trippy; it wasn't that long ago it seems that I joined, yet at the same time feels like the end of that experience is near for me. I guess because it is.
Anyways... It's been a really dynamic day. New people coming in, and sleep-deprived ones that want to stab at things with knives. (Little scary but I think we got im under control)
Major dynamic flux when Robin leaves and Jason too. Makiko very good to work with.
Weird mindgames from floor girls. Um... Very weird but whatever. I pretend I don't knowtice. ha ah! It's all fun and games... And fun and games it will stay.
Was so cool; little cousin and her buddy stayed here 2 nights and we watched "Mirrormask," a very strange little movie.
But it was worth it for the fascination.
Robin hosting another party but don't know if I can or will go yet. Have to talk to Nathan about trade shifting.
I was kinda glad the tall one was working today. She's funny... "Funny-queer." Where did I get that from? A movie, something weird maybe with Tom Hanks.
Band practice was cancelled last night! Maybe that contributed to the feeling today. (Had moment of frustration and nobody seems to notice when I am feeling that way. ITs majorly weird. ) Who knows. We had Blondie playing for most of the day.
So much family-time in last week, sorta crazy! Not enough ninja school or band practice! Hahahah! COntributes to frustration, sort of like, lack of routine, and immersion in chaos! Teehee I'm glad it's pretty much over now. I do love my family, just feel the need to slow down and get back in my little cycle-progression.
Yah!!!
It's like, lullaby-time jazz. But it's only 9pm.
Syndicate
